Threatened By Melanin? Really?

Just like any other twelve year old out there, he loves to watch t.v., ride his bike, read books, chat with his friends, and play with his little sister. He is what I like to call 'a gentle giant': as tall as me already (O.K. not that I'm towering over anyone with my 5ft 5 inches frame) but yet so genteel and caring. He is sweet and sensitive, and flinches at the sound of a swear word. Loves his chapatis, and a good cheesy burger...with bacon, because, after all, life is better with bacon.

His teachers say he is a joy to have in their classes, and a kind, compassionate classmate.

He is our first born

He is our son

He is a black boy growing up in North America.

Like everyone else around the world, I've watched video after video of unarmed black men and women being treated so roughly, and in many cases being shot because the police officer 'felt threatened'. So many cases of young men and women begging for their lives, and asking over and over "Why are you arresting me?", "What did I do?", "I know my rights!", "I can't breathe!". But all their cries falling on deaf ears. They still get handcuffed, pinned to the ground, and treated like three-fifths of a human being. And even when the offending officers are arrested, majority of the time they are found not guilty!

We teach our children to call the police when they are in trouble, and for the most part most of the officers are there to protect and serve us. They risk their lives day in and day out to keep us safe. Their families send out their loved ones everyday so they can keep our neighbourhoods safe. Then there are the bad apples, lurking in the midst of all the good ones. The ones who play judge, jury, and executioner within the first few minutes of meeting an unarmed black man or woman.

These bad apples are every black parent's nightmare. The ones we pray to God every night that our children will never have to encounter in their lives.

With every video I've watched, I felt my heart break a little more. I imagined that this was my child leaving the corner store after buying a soda for his sister, headphones in his ears, dancing as he walked home, or playing in the park with a bee bee gun, or sitting in the passenger's sit fully complying with the police only to get shot...in front of his girlfriend and child. Being seen, not as the sensitive, sweet boy that we raised to the best of our abilities, but as a threat! A threat, simply because he was born with this beautiful melanin skin.

As the days go by, my son is getting closer to being an independent teenager, and eventually an adult. He'll be going out on his own to meet his friends, hang out with them and just be a teen. However, before he leaves the house, unlike his Caucasian counterparts, he would have received the talk that every black parent gives their child: What To Do If You Are Stopped By The Police.

Follow these instructions so you can make it home safely.

- Don't make any sudden moves.

- Keep your hands visible at all times

- If you are going to drive, remove your wallet once you get in the car and keep it close and visible so you don't have to reach into your pocket for it.

- Stay calm and don't raise your voice. This may be perceived as "threatening". [Insert eye-roll emoji]

- Know your rights, and try to record the incident. For your safety, not theirs.

- Come home alive.

From the moment they walk out of the door, the clock starts on our panic. Tick Tock! Minute by minute we worry, we pray, we jump every time the phone rings. Tick Tock! Hour by hour we try not to panic, and keep ourselves busy by knitting. O.K. maybe not knitting, but something other than staring out of the window all evening. Tick Tock! It's two minutes passed his curfew. Where is he? Why hasn't he called? He knows I worry when he doesn't call me. Tick! Tock! Five minutes passed curfew, you hear the sound of the door unlock and he walks in...safe. "Hi, Mom! Sorry I'm late" Tick! Tock! Your heart rate and breathing start to slow down, and you rush and put your arms around him. "It's okay son, all that matters is that you are home safe." This is our story, this is our reality.

Day after day we hope things get better, yet with every passing day we see people who don't believe the police officers were in the wrong, and are convinced the victim had to have done something wrong. Then there are the ones who call the police on us for barbecuing, riding our bikes on the street, selling water on a hot day, babysitting children that are a different skin colour from us, sitting at a Starbucks. The list goes on and on. Frankly we are tired! Tired of being seen as less than, tired of people assuming that we are always up to no good when all we want to do is just barbecue! Tired of seeing parent after parent lose their child for nonsensical reasons, tired of people not taking our plight seriously as they casually chant 'All Lives Matter!'.

Indeed all lives do matter, but in this moment our house is on fire and urgently needs the firefighters' attention. In this moment, we are like (borrowing a comparison I saw on the internet, that I believe best describes our struggle) the lost sheep in Jesus' parable. The shepherd left his 99 sheep to go look for that one that was lost so he can bring it back to safety. You see all the sheep mattered, but in this parable, that one lost sheep needed the attention of the shepherd in order to survive. All we ask is for the 99 sheep to understand why it is important for the shepherd/society to pay attention to what is happening to the lost sheep. It needs support, it needs fair treatment, it needs empathy, it needs to feel valued, it needs to feel that it's existence matters.

I don't know about you, but I have always wonder what it is we as a people did to deserve this unjust treatment century after century. Who did we anger? Whose cereal did we pee in? Who placed this curse on our ancestors and forgot to lift it? What was it about us that just screamed "Sure...you can oppress us, and not just us, feel free to do the same to our descendants we won't mind". I've tried to figured it out but the only thing I can come up with is that we were a threat! Plain and simple. And not the violent threat they perceive us to be today, oh! no. I mean our greatness was a threat. We were kings and queens who ruled over great kingdoms long before colonialism and slave trade came to Africa. There is evidence of our greatness documented in ancient scrolls, and on the walls of pyramids. We were (and still are) a powerful civilization. However, I believe, there were those who couldn't stand to see us be equals and so began the slow but calculated process to tear us down, strip us of, not only our cultures and traditions, but our self worth, self awareness, and our history. A process that has carried repercussions all the way through time until today.

Will this get better by the time my son is old enough to drive or go off to college and be on his own? Or maybe by the time my 5 year old daughter is graduating from high school? I don't know. What I do know is that we can't stop fighting for equality and justice for people of colour, and we need allies who are not from the minority groups to stand with us and for us when they see inequality anywhere. And we as parents cannot stop teaching and reminding our children of their greatness, their cultural inheritance from kings and queens of the past, their right to live freely and be treated fairly. We have to erase from their minds centuries of indoctrination that led us to believe we were inferior, not worthy of a place at the high table, and replace that with a deep appreciation and love for self. We are a strong, proud, resilient, and very forgiving people who have endured the worst history has had to offer, and continue to live through what the present is dishing out. However, I like to think that these characteristics are what has brought us through it all.

Bruised and scarred as we might be, we still have a lot of fight left in us to see this through till we get full equality and justice. We must educate ourselves and others who want to join our fight, protest against injustice, vote for leaders who will fight for our cause. We must have those difficult conversations with anyone who is genuinely interested in finding out how they can be part of the change. We cannot afford to give up hope even when it feels like we have no more fight left in us. To quote Harriet Tubman, "... Don't ever stop. Keep going. If you want a taste of freedom. Keep going."

So keep going! If not for our generation, then at least for our children and their children.