Over The Hill??

Holy crap! When did I turn 40? I know they say time flies, but this is ridiculous!

It feels like it was just last week, ok maybe two weeks ago, when I graduated from college and the world was my oyster. Fresh out of college, feeling all grown up, independent, ready to see what this big world had in store for me. I had goals to accomplish, places to go, I was ready for adulting! (Insert picture of me, arms akimbo, superhero cape blowing in the wind, look of determination on my face).

40 seemed so far away. That was for my mom and her friends. 40 to me was wearing orthopedic shoes and bifocals, 40 was pointing a finger and scoffing at those "loud children of these days" and rolling your eyes at their incomprehensible music, 40 was sitting on the couch, hair in rollers, wearing your flannel pjs watching Dateline instead of being out at the club (Wait! that was me last night!...but I digress), 40 was basically one step away from retirement, it was dealing with teenage kids with attitudes. 40 was old, it was waaay out there in the future, it was battling grey hairs and menopause. That was pretty much my perception of 40...and now forty is me!

Last year my mom turned 70 and since I made my entrance into the '4th floor', I have been reflecting more and more on how her life was in her 40s. I was in the eighth grade when she turned 40 and I keep wondering if she experienced some of the things I am going through at this stage in my life. Was she where she wanted to be career-wise? What were her struggles and successes? Her fears? Did she have any regrets? Did she have moments when she didn't think she was doing a good job as a mom? (don't we all at some point on this journey?) I started to see mom as a woman doing the best she could to stay strong for her kids, while managing her career. A woman unafraid to be herself and really not give a damn what other people thought about her. I had hoped to ask her all these questions, over a cup of her favorite Kericho Gold tea, and get the detailed inside story. But alas, it wasn't meant to be. She went on to be with the Lord October last year, and now the questions will remain unanswered. Rest in peace Mom.

What's funny though, is that half the time I completely forget I'm in my forties (until my knees or back remind me...party poopers!) because the reality doesn't match the image I'd put in my mind all those years ago. I remember this one day I was at a store in the mall, freshly 40. This young millennial couple comes in and the girl looks at this jumpsuit and says it's really cute and loves the colour blah! blah! Her boyfriend, on the other hand, quickly says he doesn't like it and says...and I quote "...that's something a 40 year old would wear". I started laughing at their conversation until it hit me...'Urph!! Wait a sec! I'm the forty year old in this story!'

As much as we may not admit it, entering the 'fourth floor' is probably scarier than we thought it would be. It's that moment when you realize, Oh shit! mid life is here and am I where I wanted to be twenty years go? What are my retirement goals? How is my health? Sadly it's also around the time when we turn the corner and now start taking care of our parents, and in some cases losing them.

I was a little apprehensive about moving into this stage in my life because it felt like time was rushing and the last 20 years were a blur! Will the next 20 be a blur too and I'll blink and be 60? This second half of life has to be approached from a different perspective. The first half was growing up, getting educated, building relationships, and starting careers and families; the building blocks for the second half. That was my focus then. But now, I'm turning my focus to working on making me a better... me. I always tell people my 20s were for school and staring careers, my 30s for starting my family, and my 40s are for rediscovering and improving myself.

Now that I'm fully immersed in the decade, as are most of my friends, suffice to say, my opinion of what 40 looks like has changed since my 20s...hahaha! So I can confidently say that 40 is growth. It's learning when to be silent and not engage in arguments/discussions that don't help you grow.

40 is introspection. It's taking a long hard look inside yourself and ironing out the kinks that have held you back in your yesteryears, and accepting responsibilities for your part in creating some of those kinks. Put on your big girl/boy undies and accept that you have faults and work on yourself. Listening to motivational videos, being intentional about the things you want to accomplish, all things I'm working on everyday.

40 is accepting your mortality. Morbid I know, but so true. When I was younger I, like most people at that age, didn't think about death. That was reserved for the old folks. However, at this age, I have lost a few friends at the tender age of 40 or younger, and it's given me pause to reflect on my own mortality and be grateful for each moment. Being more intentional about health and wellness, with a sense of urgency. Building the foundation for a long healthy life.

40 is being okay with saying No! It is, after all, a complete sentence. It is understanding, accepting, and being comfortable with the idea that we cannot be everything to, and everywhere for everyone at the cost of our sanity.

40 is about, like Les Brown says, O.Q.P - Only Quality People. Your focus is no longer on quantity, but rather on relationships that add value to your life, support your goals, see your vision, advise you instead of judge you.

40 is being comfortable in your skin. Lumps, bumps, wrinkles and all. Not giving a flip what other people think and just being you, and doing you! It's chopping off my signature dreadlocks after seven years, even after being told I'd miss them, and finding freedom in short hair..(not to mention gaining a few more extra pounds of confidence).

40 is enjoying your own company. being happy in the silence. My mom always said her best company was herself, and that you reach that point when you are comfortable in your own skin, and do not need to be around people all the time to feel complete.

40 is fondly looking back at your younger years and smiling at the memories, all the while being glad that you are not a teen in this day and age. Our teen years were simple, this stuff the kids today have going on is, to put it mildly, effed up!!

40 is also walking into a room, and completely forgetting why you walked in there in the first place. It's your knees popping as you go up the stairs, or taking a whole day to recover from a rare night out clubbing...hahahaha! It is removing your glasses so you can read small print up close (Karma is having to do this after making fun of your mom when she used to do it) and refusing to get bifocals...the denial game is real!

At the end of the day, your forties are what you make them. You can opt to wallow in misery because you are aging, or you can write out a list of all the new things you want to accomplish during this second half of your life....and give thanks for everyday of life.