I Tip My Hat...

...to all the single parents out there.

For the past few months I've had to walk a mile in the shoes of a single parent because hubby has been working out of town, and I must say I have acquired a new found respect for the single parent. Parenting as a couple is an exhausting, extraordinary feat. However, to have to go at it alone for one reason or another...is nothing short of a calling from on high. l'll be the first to say that I truly appreciate what hubby does around the house. Like they say, you don't know a good thing till it's gone (even temporarily).

At first I thought it wouldn't be such a challenge, I'm a stay-at-home mom after all so it wouldn't be that much of a stretch right? Wrong!! It's a whole different ball game, and I can't even begin to imagine how it is for the single parents who work a full-time job, and then go home to take care of their kids. Miracle workers! Plain and simple! When you're doing it solo, there's no one to 'pawn off' the kids to when you need a mental break. If you have to make a quick dash to the store, there's no "Honey, could you watch the kids for a sec? I have to run to the store". Nope! You have to pack them all up in the car to make that ten minute dash to buy milk. There have been moments when I've just said "Screw it! We can do without milk for another day...I'm not dragging them back out again."

If you leave dirty dishes in the sink, they'll be right there waiting for you later. Forget clothes in the washer? No one to ask if they could please throw them into the dryer as they walk passed the laundry room. Homework, class projects, keeping up with P.T.A meetings, or extra curricular activities...all you. You are the composer and executor of your own 'honey-do' list, and if you can't complete it, you can probably solicit the help of your friends and/or family. (My good friend who's a single mom affectionately calls them her 'village' hahaha! ...as in 'It takes a village to raise a child'...cute!). But how many times can you do that before feeling a little guilty for using their time?

Things like long(ish) showers become a thing of the past. I now rush through my showers, afraid that if I take too long I'll be met with cries of "Mommmaaa! He did this"..." No! I didn't, she did that first" as soon as I walk out of the bathroom door, and someone possibly holding an eyeball or tooth in their hand. And as much as I have tried to avoid it (because child specialists say it will ruin my children for life), I have had to resort to the dreaded and forbidden 'electronic babysitter' [Cue the horror music: "Den! Den! Deeeen!"]. Yes! I admit it. I now sometimes co-parent with the t.v. or a tablet. How else can I keep my 2 year old at bay while I help my son with his homework? Daddy's not here to distract her with a walk or silly games, so Max and Ruby step in and save the day, along with their friends the Bubble Guppies.

It's emotionally and physically draining. When all your kids have is you, you really can't afford the luxury of time to deal with your emotions. You learn to hide them and take care of whatever may be ailing them first. If one child has frustrated you for one reason or another, you have to make a quick emotion switch back to 'happy mode' to interact with your other kids (..and without a glass of wine nonetheless!...I know..asking for way too much right?), and then wait till they are all asleep to finally 'whoosah' and get yourself together. It can take it's toll after a while, but with time you learn how to maneuver through it and do the best you can to be there for your kids. Scheduling and time planning become your new best friends.

In most families, one parent tends to be disciplinarian, while the other is the 'good cop', and for the most part it works out well especially if the parents are on the same page. This way it all doesn't always fall on the disciplinarian or vice versa. However, having to be mom and dad all rolled up in one means being both the good and bad cop. You sometimes question your decisions because there's no one to brainstorm ideas with when it comes to disciplining or rewarding your kids. You may turn to your 'village' for advice, but at the end of the day the final decision falls on you. No pressure right?

These last few months have given me a look through the window of a single parent's home, and all I can do is applaud you all. To be able to do this year after year and come out smelling like roses on the other side, a little bruised and battered maybe, but definitely smelling like roses, and with great kids to boot, is a testament to how great of a person you are. Know that I admire your strength, and see your challenges. Keep the faith and remember your kids think you are all that and a bag of kettle cooked chips! Jalapeno!!

I saw a quote that simply yet profoundly stated "Being a single [parent] means twice the work, twice the stress, and twice the tears, but it also means twice the hugs, twice the love, and twice the pride". ~ Unknown.