What Will They Say About You?

Often times when I'm hanging out with my girlfriends over dinner or wine..(mostly wine..hehehe!) the conversation always moves into our childhoods' and the things our parents did and/or said to us as kids. Now that we're parents, some of it starts to make sense, but back then some of their words or actions were often met with a confused gaze coupled with a silent 'urph!' Like when they couldn't understand why we didn't get straight As in school yet we studied in homes with electricity, when they had to study by kerosene lamp and still got As. Or how we could hear their voices in our heads, threatening us when we sneaked out to go clubbing, or stayed out for too long at a friend's house..(this was the pre-cellphone era. Yes Millennials, there was life before cell phones...I know..hard to imagine)

Oh! we could go on and on about the fear of God that our parents put in us back in the day. Kids these days have it easy...I think. Most parents today don't believe in corporal punishment, a good old fashioned spanking, so unlike us, the kids are a little braver to talk back or challenge what their parents say..(..already seeing this in my 9 year old..oiii!). Try talking back to my mom (or any of my friend's moms), or rolling your eyes at her...ha! She would lay it on you with this black patent leather belt that either of my siblings, or I were happy to get when it wasn't you in trouble at the time. I don't think this made us violent or depressed like the experts say, I think our parents were doing the best they could with whatever parenting knowledge/experience they had at the time. Did they say things that affected some of us later on in life? Probably. Did they miss opportunities to hug us and let us know everything would be okay even though we didn't get into the schools we wanted? Or our best friend moved clear across town? Mmh! Possibly. But we're older now and can talk to them about these things, and the good old days and laugh about the lies we told as kids to escape the wrath of mom or dad.

It's during these moments of reminiscing that I think about what my kids will say about me and/or dad when they're hanging out with their buddies over dinner...or dare I say it..wine.

I think all of us as parents want to support and uplift our kids in any way we can. We want to make them believe that they can leap tall buildings in a single bound...ok maybe that's not the best analogy, some kids might take it literally...hahaha! But you get my point though, we want them to be the best they can be and achieve their maximum potential.

However, sometimes our frustrations, and emotions get the best of us and we say things, or use a certain tone towards our babies that leaves a stain that may be a little hard to wash off.

I'll be the first to admit that I've had moments that I'm not very proud of, whether it's just fatigue and the constant nagging that gets to me, or feeling overwhelmed because it seems I've been stretched in every which way possible, but I have snapped and said something to my son that was probably counterproductive to making his feelings better. I know...I know...not what a mom is supposed to do. We're supposed to encourage, uplift, support, build-up, teach, all that good stuff, but sometimes...we just lose it...if only for a second. I'm a mom...I don't claim to be perfect...just human. What counts is how you bounce back from that 'slip'. First is recognizing what you said, or how you said it, and apologizing to your child for it. Yup, that's right..apologize to your child. They have to see that you too recognize your mistakes and are not too proud to apologize for them. Then hug them, and tell them you love them from here to eternity, and that mommy or daddy will be a little more careful about what she/he says.

So what will your kids say about you? Will they say you were always willing to play with or read to them in their make believe world even when you were tired? Or that you were too busy on your phone or tablet to notice they wanted 5 minutes of your time? Will they say you were always available with a hug when they asked for one, or were you always too quick to say "Not right now honey, I'm in the middle of making dinner."? Are you going to be the parent your kid's friends will envy because you let them be themselves and didn't try to fit them into a box created by society? Will they say that they knew then, and still know now that they can come and talk to you about anything, or will they confide in their friends that they were always afraid you would never understand, or support them when they needed you most? Or that you discounted their feelings as 'just being kids'? Food for thought huh?

It's definitely a tight rope to walk sometimes and as parents. We're no Cirque du Soleil performers, so we do stumble and fall a few times. But if we think of each day as an opportunity to create a positive memory so they can look back on these days as a happy, fun and love filled time where they felt supported and encouraged every step of the way, then finding the right things to say and/do won't be so hard...right?